Feeling Reactive or Shut Down? How Expanding Your Window of Tolerance Can Help
That tension with your partner feels like the end of the relationship. A tough work call sends you spiraling. Even good things—like a new opportunity—can feel like too much. So you avoid. Snap. Shut down. It starts to feel like something’s wrong with you.
There’s not. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you—but without enough space to hold what life is asking of you.
The Window of Tolerance is the range where you handle stress, stay connected, and respond instead of react. When it’s wide, life feels easier. When it's narrow, even small things feel overwhelming.
The good news? That window can grow. And when it does, things feel more steady—more possible.
Who I Am and Why I'm Talking About This
I'm Amy Hagerstrom, a licensed clinical social worker and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner. I do this work because I’ve lived it.
There were times when my window of tolerance was incredibly narrow—especially in social situations. I experienced social anxiety. Even as I began healing, I avoided groups and unpredictable settings, assuming I just wasn’t someone who could feel safe there.
But that wasn’t true. With somatic therapy, I gradually expanded my window. My body no longer sees people as a threat the way it once did. I still get triggered—we all do—but now I recognize it and move through it. I live with more freedom now, and I want that for others too.
Signs You’re Outside Your Window of Tolerance
When you're inside your window, you're clear-headed, present, and flexible. But outside of it?
Above it (fight or flight):
You’re anxious, overwhelmed, easily irritated, or ready to escape
Below it (shutdown):
You feel numb, checked out, low energy, or disconnected
Some people swing between both. Others get stuck in freeze—revved up inside, but unable to act. These aren’t personal flaws—they’re protective responses from a nervous system that’s trying to keep you safe.
See a visual explanation of the Window of Tolerance here—a useful way to understand how stress affects your nervous system. (You’ll also find the image at the end of this blog.)
Why Stress Feels So Unmanageable Sometimes
When your window is narrow, it’s harder to manage stress, let alone enjoy good things.
It can hold you back from connection, creativity, follow-through, and joy—not because you don’t care, but because your system is overwhelmed. Even if you're getting by on the outside, your body might still be on high alert.
Expanding the window gives you more space inside to be present with what matters, even when it’s hard. It helps you hold discomfort, challenge, and pleasure—without shutting down or spiraling.
How to Start Expanding Your Window of Tolerance
There are two key parts:
1. Working Toward Felt Safety
This means helping your body feel safe—not just thinking it is. When your nervous system begins to take in cues of safety, you're more likely to stay within your window.
2. Building Capacity for Discomfort
The other part is slowly increasing your ability to stay present with what’s uncomfortable—emotionally or physically—without becoming overwhelmed.
Both are essential.
Everyday Practices to Feel More Regulated
Simple shifts can help your nervous system settle and support both parts of expanding your window: working toward felt safety and building capacity for discomfort. These practices aren't magic, but they’re a place to start:
Grounding – Feel the support of the chair beneath you or the floor under your feet.
Orienting – Gently look around the room and use your senses to notice what’s around you. Let your body register that you’re safe.
Movement – Stretch, walk, press your hands against something, shake, bounce, or try yoga.
Fresh air or breathwork – Step outside or take a few slow, intentional breaths.
Mindful noticing – Briefly pause and notice sensations, emotions, or thoughts. Feeling the chair or floor can help.
This is about supporting your system so you can stay more present over time. It doesn’t always look like calm. Sometimes it’s doing the hard thing with your heart racing—but without spiraling or shutting down completely.
For example, if you panic after a mistake at work, you might pause, feel your feet, and take in your surroundings. It won’t fix the mistake, but it can help your system register that you're not actually in danger—and make it easier to stay with yourself in the moment.
Some tools will work. Others won’t. And sometimes, more support is what helps the pattern shift.
What I Offer to Help You Increase Your Capacity and Resilience
Somatic (mind-body) therapy works with the systems where stress and trauma live—not just your thoughts, but your body’s patterns. I offer a few approaches that help gently widen your window of tolerance:
Somatic Experiencing – A body-based approach that helps with trauma, stress, and overwhelm by supporting nervous system regulation and releasing held tension.
Safe and Sound Protocol – A music-based therapy that helps your system take in cues of safety and settle.
Rest and Restore Protocol – A calming listening experience that helps your body return to natural rhythms like digestion, heart rate, and energy regulation after long-term stress.
This kind of work often creates deeper change than talk therapy alone. And for many people—including myself—it wouldn’t have been possible to expand the window without this kind of support.
Is This Work Right for You?
I work with driven adults who appear fine on the outside—but feel overwhelmed or disconnected inside.
You might want more space to handle stress and enjoy your life without feeling maxed out.
If you're in Florida or Illinois and want to explore somatic therapy, you can learn more at www.amyhagerstrom.com.
And if we’re not the right fit, I hope this still gave you a helpful new way to think about what’s possible.
