Navigating Election Anxiety: Finding Calm and Connection in Divisive Times
Election season brings a unique kind of stress. It’s not just about political tension; it’s also about the strain on relationships, the fear of being misunderstood, and the challenge of staying grounded when everyone seems on edge.
And this year, with the final days of the election upon us, anxiety doesn’t end with the vote. Many are feeling the tension of uncertainty, anxious about what the results might bring, and just as ready for the entire process to be over.
In such a polarized climate, many of us find ourselves holding back, withdrawing, or avoiding certain topics altogether. Others worry about the aftermath of the election or what it means for the polarization we already feel. This article explores ways to find calm amidst political division, relational strain, and the tension between speaking up and staying safe.
Why This Time Feels Especially Hard:
Jonathan Haidt’s book The Righteous Mind sheds light on why we often struggle with those who see the world differently. Haidt explains that we’re drawn into “moral teams” based on our core values, which shape how we interpret issues, relationships, and even what feels right or wrong. These values aren’t just random; Haidt emphasizes they’re shaped by a complex mix of culture, religion, family beliefs, and biology. For example, someone raised in a community valuing tradition and authority may see the world differently than someone from a culture emphasizing freedom and social equality.
In polarized times, these differences can feel enormous, especially when we struggle to understand how people we care about hold views so different from our own. This internal conflict of wanting to understand while feeling morally opposed can leave us frustrated, sad, or confused—and unsure how to move forward.
The Role of Social Media in Polarization:
Social media adds another layer to this experience. On one hand, it allows us to stay connected, but it also means we’re often exposed to polarized opinions and harsh judgments. We might see people we care about posting critical comments about “the other side,” or hear them discussing people with beliefs like ours in ways that feel dismissive, cruel, or just plain confusing.
This constant exposure to judgmental or hostile commentary amplifies our stress, especially when it’s difficult to respond openly or constructively. Unlike real-life conversations, social media rarely invites curiosity or discussion—it often reinforces extremes. This can deepen our sense of division and relational distress, making it even harder to bridge gaps with people we care about.
Our Nervous System and Election Anxiety:
It’s not just our beliefs that make political tension so charged—our bodies feel it, too. When we’re confronted with strong opposing views or fear about the future, we’re often triggered into fight or flight mode.
When our amygdala (the brain’s threat detector) perceives a threat, it fires rapidly, sending signals to the brainstem to activate survival mode. This response often happens before we even realize it.
These survival responses—intense anger, wanting to escape, freezing, or shutting down—aren’t things we choose. And yet, many feel shame for reacting this way, wishing they could “stay calm” or “be more rational.” This shame can make us feel stuck in cycles of reactivity.
When Conversations Feel Bigger Than They Are:
In politically charged conversations, it can feel like the stakes are sky-high. A simple exchange can feel like a test of loyalty or even a threat to our beliefs and values. Our bodies sense misunderstanding as a risk, triggering defensive or emotional reactions.
It can help to recognize that this feeling of high stakes may also be shared by the other person, even if they don’t show it. They may be feeling equally misunderstood, frustrated, or unsafe. Acknowledging this possibility—while holding your boundaries—can sometimes help soften things. And remember, it’s okay to pause or step back if things feel overwhelming.
Fearing Election Outcomes:
For many, the anxiety isn’t just about conversations—it’s about what the election outcome might mean for their lives, their families, or their rights. People on all sides feel deeply about the direction of the country and fear the consequences if the “other side” wins. This fear can amplify anxiety, making it feel like everything is at risk.
It’s understandable that people may feel extreme worry or tension, especially when basic rights or safety seem to be at stake. Recognizing these heightened emotions as natural responses can help lessen the self-criticism we often carry with anxiety.
Finding Relief in a Tense Climate:
Give Yourself Grace for Strong Reactions: When conversations feel “bigger” than they are, notice your body’s response without judgment. Allow yourself some curiosity about it later, after things have calmed. This gentle approach offers understanding without added self-criticism.
Recognize Shared Heightened Emotions: It’s common to feel misunderstood or defensive. Knowing you’re not alone in this can make it easier to find calm.
Set Boundaries with Compassion: If certain discussions feel too heavy, it’s okay to set a boundary with loved ones or friends. This could sound like, “I’d rather not get into politics right now—I’d like to focus on enjoying our time together.”
Use Exercise to Release Tension: When stress is high, getting moving can help. A walk, lifting something heavy, or pushing against a wall can release built-up tension.
Try Grounding Techniques: Slow breathing or gentle stretching can help calm your body. Even a brief moment of grounding can signal to the body that you’re safe and not in immediate danger.
Making Room for Understanding, Even Amidst Division:
Understanding these dynamics can give us the grace to step back and relate with compassion, even when tensions are high. Haidt’s insights remind us that values aren’t just intellectual choices—they’re shaped by a complex web of influences, which can help us see others as people shaped by their own experiences and biology.
Taking small steps to stay grounded, respecting limits, and supporting our nervous system can be powerful in these divisive times. While we may not control everything around us, we can create a bit more calm and clarity within ourselves, helping us move through tense interactions, personal fears, and uncertain outcomes with resilience and a sense of inner steadiness.